The Haps

I wanted to say a sincere thank you to all of you who have reached out to me or prayed for me after I alluded to our "baby problems" earlier this week.  Since I've also gotten a few questions about the issue, I thought I'd give a bit more detail. After all, this blog is a collection of the defining and humdrum moments that make up my life and I also understand that if a few people asked, others were probably wondering too.  :)

Well, Dennis and I have been "trying" for a while now.  We are not used to "trying" since Ryan made his presence known in what seemed like 5 minutes after we decided it would be fun to start our family.  I knew that didn't happen to everyone, but I really didn't appreciate at the time what a blessing it was.

Earlier this month, I decided to go to the doctor because I could just tell something wasn't right with my body.  When I was being checked out, I casually mentioned that I'd been having some irregularities with my cycles in particular and she became concerned.  She asked more questions, checked some other things out and flatly told me that "I will never get pregnant with the way things are currently."  She followed that up with "I've never seen anything like this, but don't worry, we'll get you pregnant.  We'll put you on Clomid (a fertility drug), but that actually won't be for a while." Then she ordered a blood workup to test for a number of things, told me I was on the "back burner" and if I wanted the test results earlier than when they came in the mail, to call her office.  The whole experience was about as warm and fuzzy as a speculum.  :s

Then I marched down to the lab and spent half an hour with a bunch of expecting women waiting to get my blood drawn to see why I couldn't be.  Oh, I forgot to mention that as I was going down the hall by my exam room, I passed an ultrasound machine with a picture of a beautiful, little gummy bear on it (a baby about 10 weeks old).  Bring on the moping! 

I didn't feel like calling the office, so I waited the 8 days to get my test results in the mail.  It was horrible to read the words "All looks Good" scrawled across the margin.  For the first time, I was really hoping something would be wrong, because that would be fixable.  My heart was broken all over again. 

I poured over my results for hours that evening while trying to figure out the next plan of action and finally something caught my eye.  My thyroid stimulating hormone (TSH) was almost higher than the lab normal range (Me = 4.05, Lab High = 4.5).  I have never been even close to the outside of a lab normal range.  After some mad googling, I learned that TSH is given off by the brain and has an inverse relationship to thyroid hormones.  That means, if TSH is high the brain is telling the thyroid to get to work and the thyroid is putting it's fingers in it's ears and saying "no wanna."  If TSH is too low, it means the thyroid may be giving off too many hormones and can also be a problem.  In my case, my TSH may be indicating slight hypothyroidism.  After more googling, I found the symptoms of hypothyroidism:

-Fatigue (check)


-Weakness (well not as much)

-Weight gain or increased difficulty losing weight (depends on the day)

-Coarse, dry hair (yep, but it's winter so it's hard to tell the origin)
-Dry, rough pale skin (Winter+Scandinavian skin = what else is new?)

-Hair loss (not more than usual)

-Cold intolerance (possibly)
-Muscle cramps and frequent muscle aches (not as much)

-Constipation (no comment)

-Depression (doubtful)

-Irritability (ask Dennis)

-Memory loss (Check)

-Abnormal menstrual cycles (Check, Check)

-Decreased libido (no comment)

So there may be something there.  I also found out my mom had problems with her thyroid at one time so when I go to the doctor next week, I'm ready to be my own advocate and see if my thyroid really is the problem here.  It's a very strong possibility and is really the only lead I have here.

I'm also going to see an acupuncturist next Tuesday. I'm not as comfortable using a fertility drug if my thyroid is the real culprit and she's very confident that she should be able to help my cycles get back on track.  That will really help as we figure out how to proceed.

All in all, I know I have so much to be thankful for.  I have a wonderful son who loves my guts and I love his back.  I have a husband who supports me and cherishes me.  I have a great family and terrific friends and a job with insurance that pays a little for inferility treatments (hoping I never have to use it!).

I also know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Lord has a reason for this and wants to use it to grow me up.  To teach me compassion. To help my roots run deep. To show me He loves me. 

So while I don't know where this path will lead for us, I know we're not alone in it.