HelloGoodbye

Yesterday I was so blessed to be able to say hello and goodbye to my 3rd niece, Jasmine.



Hello because I just found out my sister is 16 weeks pregnant this week (wowzers!).



And goodbye because my sister found out the precious girl kicking and dancing in her womb has no brain. She has a brain stem, which explains the movement she often feels, but she has no cerebrum and no frontal lobe which translates into no feeling, no conciousness and no hope.



So yesterday at my parents house, we had an impromptu celebration for her. My other sister brought her guitar and she played and we ate ice cream cake and talked about our feelings surrounding the whole terrible situation. It was a special time together with the women in my family that I will never forget.



It's times like these that make passages like Psalm 139:13-16 hit me like a literal TON of bricks.

"For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully make;

your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be."

This passage seems so easy to rest on when a baby is perfect and a comforting truth to hold onto if a baby is found to have special needs. But what about when a baby appears doomed from the start? It is at that moment when the Biblical rubber meets the road for me.

As I have been wading through so many difficult thoughts and emotions these past few days, I have found peace in knowing that God knows this baby. He formed her. Even though she has no brain, she has a Soul that belongs in eternity. She will be born next week and be welcomed straight into the arms of Jesus. No pain, no suffering, just overwhelming joy with a body made whole. The part I don't understand is that He decided it would be best that her days would number 119 rather than 29,000. I don't think I'll understand that on this side of heaven. And right now, I'm trying to be ok with that.

I want to say thank you to all who have reached out to me and my family during this incredibly heartbreaking time. I appreciate it so much and if you think of it, please keep my sister Alyssa in your prayers as she travels down this lonely and devastating road of grief.